Enjoy Them

Something that parents of young kids are inevitably told numerous times is to "Enjoy them while they are small! They grow so fast!" To be honest, most of the time my internal reaction to that is "Sure, easy for you to say! I can't wait for them to be bigger and not so dang dependent!" Of course on some level you realize that yes, this is wise, good advice, you really should be enjoying them more, being thankful for the blessings they are. But really, how are you supposed to do that in real life amid fantasies of the day when you are struggling to get them to get out of bed not in bed, or the day when they can largely take care of their basic needs themselves, or when they don't interrupt you quite so many times per minute...?

At least that's where I've found myself for the majority of these past three years. Let me add an important disclaimer here that by no means has there been a lack of enjoyment of Drew and Garrett. I still remember when they were tiny, sitting and holding them and thinking that I could just watch them for hours they were so fascinating and precious. And now they can make me bust out laughing, or get teary just by watching and listening to them doing their thing. And yet, especially being an introvert in need of time to myself and uninterrupted time, it has been quite the challenge, staying home with the boys full time.

But now that they are getting a bit older, and are becoming - or, especially, are on the verge of becoming - more independent (or maybe more to the point, I'm having to, and being on the verge of having to, open my arms just a little bit further, loosen my hold), I find myself truthfully wanting them to stay little longer. At least I'm having moments like that. Where I picture dropping them off at preschool and having to walk out the door when they don't want me to go(even if I know that in five minutes they'll be just fine), or when they can't wait for me to drop them off... And the realization that there will come a day when all the hugs and cuddling that I so take for granted will taper off and nearly end. It hardly seems possible, and is a sad thought. Bittersweet at the very least.

So now when I'm advised to "enjoy them while they're small, they grow up so fast!", I find my reaction is a bit more sympathetic. And I am trying more actively, to find that elusive balance between acknowledging and accepting the reality of daily battles and fighting and so many interruptions, and the reality that they are growing up and the precious hugs and tiny voices and earnest desire to share the play-by-play of their adventures with me will not last. I don't expect to find that perfect balance, and I suppose it is one of those things that comes with hindsight (which may explain the fact that the majority of the time the advice comes from parents of grown kids...), but it sure can't hurt to soak up all the hugs and little boy voices I can while they last.